Blog pages - A Step at a Time

Oct 20

Why self-care is NOT selfish

Posted by Nicky | anxiety, bereavement, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

Every day I hear mums and my professional clients utter the same words ‘I can’t be that selfish’…. In fact it’s probably the main thing that they have in common, a belief system that looking after their own emotional health and well-being is ‘selfish’. Having worked in the teaching industry for many years i’m quite accustomed to skipping meals, working ludicrous hours, cancelling personal engagements to opt for lesson planning and marking and collapsing in a heap at the end of term wondering what way the steam train that hit me had gone in… So why is the main thing that I am accustomed to hearing ‘I can’t be that selfish’. Perhaps it’s an archaic belief system, maybe a new one from the unrealistic expectations that we have placed on life, but is it time to acknowledge that selfceare is NOT selfish? How is looking after your emotional health selfish?…

Oct 06

Is the world causing our children anxiety?

Posted by Nicky | Adventures of Brian, anxiety, BWRT, Children's Therapy, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

As the years go by my office is filled with more and more children and teenagers who are struggling with unwanted thoughts and feelings. Since I wrote the Adventures of Brian book collection this has only grown more considerably. Leading me to question – is the world causing our children anxiety? 19 years ago when I first entered the world of early years (working in a nursery) we would occasionally meet a child with separation anxiety or thumb sucking but these were few and far between. 15 years ago when I first went to work as a lecturer with 16-19 year olds you may have one teenager in your class with depression or anxiety but again it was much more a rarity than the world presented today. In the early days of my career, or even in my own school days you just didn’t find a huge number of children…

Sep 24

A-B-C – are we missing the letters of child behaviour?

Posted by Nicky | Adventures of Brian, BWRT, Children's Therapy, hypnotherapy | No Comments

When I started my career working as a nursery nurse and later as a Nursery Manager and then a lecturer of early years I would routinely teach the ABC of behaviour to my staff and students… it was as simple as falling off a bike and a lesson I continue to use in my work as a therapist, however it is a lesson that we are forgetting in LIFE. Let me explain…. A B C of behaviour The ABC of behaviour looks at child behaviour from the position that everything has an ABC A – Antecedent (the thing that caused the behaviour) B – Behaviour (the behaviour being demonstrated) C – Consequence (the result of the behaviour) It is an insightful way of remembering that NOTHING appears without a cause, so all behaviours from children are created by an ‘A’… Skipping the key letters…. However as the years go by,…

Sep 09

3 reasons telling someone to ‘push through’ anxiety doesn’t work

Posted by Nicky | Uncategorised | No Comments

Whilst my work often takes me into the treatment of anxiety there are some common themes that I see when working with clients (children, teens and adults) which come from well-meaning friends and family but are having catastrophic or distressing results for the individual struggling with anxious thought and feelings. This week’s blog explores three reasons why telling someone to ‘push through’ anxiety could be having a crippling result and be ending in tears… Please note – the scenarios and examples used are related to anxiety and should not be confused with nerves or adrenaline from excitement e.g. pre-performance nerves. Reason #1 – It’s not safe for their brain The brain’s key job is to keep us alive and to keep us safe. In situations where the brain experiences a situation which feels unsafe or creates anxious feelings the subconscious creates a pattern of behaviour that this is ‘NOT SAFE’…

Aug 26

Victim, Surviving…..Survivor

Posted by Nicky | BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

Did you ever notice that some weeks your conversations have themes? Or that everyone you meet has an invisible thread tying them to you, or a version of yourself from the past? I was talking to a number of people this week about the concept of moving from being the victim, to surviving to the survivor. Whether we apply this to recovering from eating disorders, moving forward after domestic violence, the emotional healing from trauma or the steps after a life changing incident in most cases there are 3 key stages and these each come with their own coping mechanisms, choices and decisions. VICTIM…… Immediately following any life changing situation/scenario/behaviour we fall into a ‘victim‘ category. As much as I personally hate the concept we are so vulnerable at this stage that we are the victim of a circumstance and our friends and family will rally round to protect, look…

Aug 20

Being Unapologetically You….

Posted by Nicky | BWRT, Responsive Therapy, Uncategorised | No Comments

I was driving down to Worthing last week to the recording studio (we’re busy creating the next batch of the Adventures of Brian Audio Books) and as I sat at the railway crossing I watched a family walk past. Mum and dad were chatting, their son wandering close by, and just behind was their daughter… dancing and jumping along the pavement. It was their daughter who caught my attention, as she leapfrogged the bollards along the pavement, hopscotched across the squares of the pavement slabs and danced down the street with her family her ability to be so unapologetically herself was touching. You may have noticed how children have the ability to lose themselves in their play, not yet affected by the world’s opinions, oblivious to the concept of conformity there is nothing more beautiful than a child who is unapologetically themselves. I work with so many adults who are…

Aug 02

5 things I have learnt about depression…

Posted by Nicky | anxiety, bereavement, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

One of the most controversial subjects for many people is depression. So I thought I would share 5 things that I have learnt about depression from both personal and professional experience…

Jul 23

5 things a narcissist does to stop you leaving….

Posted by Nicky | anxiety, body-image, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

With the growth of social media quite often you will see the word ‘narcissist’ used within articles, stories, social media posts and films. Often followed with comments of ‘why didn’t they just leave?’ or ‘Didn’t they see what was happening?’…So here’s 5 things a narcissist does to stop you leaving… If you read my previous blog ‘Why you shouldn’t have known‘ you will be familiar with why we rarely see the effects of a narcissist until it is late in the day…. To start here’s a definition of a narcissist: Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the process affecting the lives of innocent women and men every day is a pattern of abnormal behaviour which the narcissist not only has this excessive interest in themselves but combines it with a pattern of non-empathy in which they have no understanding of other people’s feelings and in their pursuit of power, success or self-satisfaction will…

Jul 16

Why life is like a game of chess…. and how not to get checkmated!

Posted by Nicky | anxiety, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

Have you ever noticed that life is like a game of chess? I was standing brushing my teeth this morning when I was struck by this profound thought (it’s my favourite profound moment place) that life is like a chess game and we can so easily get stuck in chess mate if we don’t watch what is happening…. I should be honest at this point and say that Chess is not a game that I have ever mastered – in fact I am still in awe of those who can play. Many moons ago the 8 year old I used to babysit tried to teach me but gave up when I just ‘didn’t get it’

Jul 10

4 ways to stop the straw breaking the camels back (and save your social life)

Posted by Nicky | anxiety, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy, Uncategorised | No Comments

You know that old saying ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back?’ well I want to tell you that in the majority of cases it isn’t the thing you have the greatest issue with. The problem with problems is that we collect them. Once we have a highly negative experience we can find ourselves overwhelmed with issues. The problem is we tend to focus on the most recent of these issues and not the cause of the pressure on our brain. We also inevitably do not notice the problem until it is so great the consequence is greater…. or do we? In this week’s blog I want to share 4 signs and actions you can use to ensure that the straw does not break the camel’s back and inevitably prevent it from breaking you…. Let me start with an example (fictitious scenario)…..Emily is getting married, she has waited for a…

Jul 03

Why our mummy bears need to be encouraged to engage in TLC

Posted by Nicky | Adventures of Brian, anxiety, bereavement, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

Why our mummy bears need to be encouraged to engage in TLC…. Please note – whilst daddy bear is not mentioned in this blog it is not for a lack of respect of his role – we are just focussing on mummies today! I know you’re probably wondering if I have lost the plot after a little too much sunshine this weekend, however it was a conversation I had whilst standing at a book fair that prompted this blog. Mummy Bear Syndrome may not be a known term, in fact it was a new concept that I learnt 5 years ago whilst sat training with Richard Wain in the concepts of Responsive Hypnotherapy but it explains nearly everything you need to know about mummies. On becoming a mummy a woman quickly sidelines her needs and jumps into the defence of her baby. The Mummy Bear leads her pack of teddy…

Jun 18

2 reasons why your friend is making you feel uncomfortable and how to deal with it!

Posted by Nicky | anxiety, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy, Uncategorised | No Comments

Ever had those days when your friend/partner is making you feel uncomfortable? But not because you hate them…just something is – well off? And I don’t mean in the stagnant water way! The thing is, at times we will find that friends or partners (or even family members) really get under our skin. Our first retaliation is to blame them for it… But what if it’s YOU? Eek…. yep I said it… it’s highly likely it’s you! Before you contemplate killing me for that statement let me explain where I am going with this… Sometimes our friends just drive us insane…. we can love them from the bottom of our hearts, and adore them completely, we would walk over hot coals for them – but still the very second they text/call/email/Facebook/turn up you feel uncomfortable, irritable or just like there is a glitch in the system. Here’s two reasons why…….

Jun 12

Is your past haunting you? The real reason you are going round in circles!

Posted by Nicky | anxiety, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

Do you ever feel like your past is haunting you? Like you keep coming back to the same problem? Or you have really, really bad luck? Perhaps you feel like the universe is punishing you? Or that you can’t get anything right? Or MAYBE your mind is stuck in a detrimental thought loop that you simply cannot break? Ooh now that’s a thought isn’t it? If you have ever heard that old adage, you can’t change the problem, only your attitude to the problem then you might see where I am going with this. If not then Hi! Welcome to my thought process today! So now we have established a small chance that your past is NOT haunting you, (and rather your thought processes are) I’ll explain where I am going with this…. Our brains and patterns… Every week in my office I meet at least one client who tells…

May 30

Grief – 4 things you need to know….

Posted by Nicky | anxiety, bereavement, loss, trauma | No Comments

Grief is a subject that presents almost daily in my work as a therapist. Working with clients who have experienced a bereavement or loss, through death, illness or trauma I meet women who are experiencing a wide range of the symptoms from grief. This may be through overwhelming sadness or pain to experiencing anxiety, depression or PTSD or those who are experiencing negative habitual behaviours due to longer term unresolved grief. From my experiences here are 4 things you need to know about grief…. 1. Your brain cannot process it All of our behaviours, habits and responses are learnt, from when we learn to walk to when we learn how to count our subconscious mind creates a sequence of patterns associated with a trigger so behaviours are generated on requirement. For instance we see a path and our brain receives a message to walk or we see a fire and…

May 25

2 reasons our children’s worries are greater than ever

Posted by Nicky | Adventures of Brian, anxiety, BWRT, Children's Therapy | No Comments

Have you ever noticed that our children are worrying more than ever? Children’s worries are at an all time high. Every week in my office I am visited by children and teenagers who are struggling with worries, anxiety or catastrophizing about events that haven’t even happened. The incidences of appointments for these has risen significantly over the last year. This includes visits for: – Children worrying about safety – Child anxiety – Separation anxiety from parents – Children struggling with OCD or habit based behaviours – Sleep issues – Children who catastrophize about events that ‘might’ happen in the future So where has it come from? Before I start my explanations (from my personal perspective) I want you to cast your mind back to the late 1980s/early 1990s – the days when as children we were found climbing in trees, staying out on your bike, water fights with your super…

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