Perspectives – Are they true?

Having spent over ten years working one to one with clients, with my teen clients we often explore the concept of perspectives. Whether it is the declaration that a teacher hates them, a friend has been mean, or a sibling that is loved more than they are, we all see that our brains have one focus. To protect us.

Our brains, whilst incredible organs, are also primed to keep us safe. They do this by sending signals and activating the release of hormones to warn us that something feels wrong, or by relaying a story of how we have interpreted a situation to keep us safe. Their default position is to create a narrative that allows us to be either ‘ok’ or remove us to safety (fight-flight-freeze-fawn) but this can mean it will overgeneralise, catastrophise or be caught in all or nothing beliefs or map old emotions to new ones which create a false belief system to do so.

The fundamental part of this, is that this is an interpretation.

An important part of my work with young people is that of perspectives.

How else can we look at this situation?

What is the evidence that backs up our story?

What else could be happening?

What did the other person say? (did we ask them?)

and so forth…..

Our brain struggles to identify truth from fiction, not because we are a bad person, but because we are not born with self-awareness and emotional literacy skills to allow us to differentiate between thoughts and feelings, past and present and elicit the perspectives which may mean that our belief systems are not true. These are learnt skills, and require guidance and mentoring to develop and embed.

The very real reality is that two perspectives can exist in the same space and both be true. We may believe that our friend is not being themselves with us, but simultaneously our friend may be struggling and be distant as they process their needs. However, when we attach feelings to this without checking our evidence, or the other perspective, we can find ourselves attaching incorrect feelings to a scenario which can lead to us feeling isolated. For instance, believing that they dislike us, or that we have upset them, when the reality is that they are consumed by their own needs. This is enhanced when we spend too much time inside our own heads or do not receive questioning which supports us to look at the bigger picture, alternatives or other possibilities only found by speaking with the person.

So, how do we support young people?

1. Develop constructive emotional literacy skills
2. Develop the skills to identify our thought patterns and whether our feelings are from the past or present
3. Ascertain whether we are attributing old feelings to new experiences or thoughts
4. Support the out loud thinking of scenarios with a trusted adult who can help us ascertain the perspectives, evidence and other scenarios which may be at play
5. Identify our patterns of unhelpful thoughts and our triggers to allow us to pinpoint that areas that we need support with
6. Develop a habit of looking at our thoughts or opinions from different perspectives so that we can identify alternative ways and meanings for them which are more constructive (or curious)

Want to learn more? 

Would you like to deliver emotional literacy interventions in your work? Our Level 3 Emotional Literacy Mentor qualification takes you through the theory and practice to deliver emotional literacy support for children aged 3-12 years. You can start today by joining (click here)

Are you looking for a deeper understanding of child mental health? Our Level 4 Child and Adolescent Mental Health Coaching Diploma takes you into an in depth dive of child mental health and how you can support.  You can join our Level 4 training (here).

© Nicky Edwards – All Rights Reserved

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