Why it’s ok to just focus on well-being right now

With the return to a little bit of normality beginning, and children and teenagers returning to school this week, there are mixed messages, feelings and attitudes right now- and none of them are wrong.

Whilst some are worried about what we have missed out on with learning

Others are concerned about the impact so much time at home has had on well-being

Whilst others are battling with their mental health, such as anxieties, fears and worries

For some, they don’t know if they feel ready to make the leap

The thing is, that ALL of these concerns are completely ok.

Since March 23rd 2020, as the UK dropped into its first lockdown, there has been a lot to process:

• Time away from routines
• Missing family
• Losing time with friends
• Health concerns for ourselves and those we know
• Employment changes
• Financial concerns
• Mixed messages in the media
• Social media input
• Conflicting views

When we experience such a huge change, it is completely normal for the brain to experience trauma, and move into hyper vigilance and survival mode.

When we are in this state, processing what is happening is put on pause, as we focus on getting through the day.

When the first lockdown released, we saw a surge in mental health concerns for young people (and adults) and just as we started accessing help, the second lockdown in November quickly started. Once again, we challenged uncertainty, mixed feelings and emotions and for many, the feeling of pressure began to escalate. When Christmas was subsequently impacted, followed by the January lockdown, more and more people entered survival. Whether they looked at it as, keeping their heads down, hiding, getting on, working through the day, everyone has been affected in different ways.

There is no right or wrong in trauma.

It’s perfectly ok if you have thrived

It’s perfectly ok if every day has felt like a total battle

It’s perfectly ok if you are angry, fed up or disappointed

It’s perfectly ok if you feel like you are existing and not living

It’s perfectly ok if you haven’t got a clue what you feel

There is no rule book. 

Everyone’s brains are processing this at different rates.

Some have processed it as we have moved through.

Some are processing right now

Some will not process for a few weeks

Others will not process for a few months or even a year or two after normality resumes.

Our lives have been inconceivably changed, and with that, time, safety and routines are paramount to helping the healing process.

So, right now, if all you focus on is safety, well-being and connection – you are not wrong.

If, you feel well and functioning, focusing on progress is also absolutely fine.

What is not fine, is to expect everyone to process this pathway in the same way. 

If ever kindness mattered, to ourselves and others – it is now. We all remain in our own boats, canoes, yachts and dinghies in a storm – that has not changed. The storm has changed direction, but it is not yet over, and some people’s boats are further ahead in the exit route than others.

So, if you need to rest, take things slowly and just focus on each day as it comes, please give yourself permission to. If you are ready to seize life and start engaging in the world, please give yourself permission to do so.

Our focus is not to judge what others do, they are doing what THEY need, just as YOU are doing what you need. And, all our needs are different right now. They may even be different within your family.

This is not a race, the only goal is well-being and positive mental health.

 

 

© Nicky Edwards – All rights reserved 

 

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