Supporting Decision Making

Making decisions is something that causes many people anxiety or worry. This can be for many reasons:

• Worrying about making the wrong choice
• Worrying about upsetting other people
• Difficulty weighing up the pros and cons
• Not enough time to process the options
• Decisions evoking big emotions
• Fear of failure
• Fear of success
• Having to make too many decisions over a period of time (Decision fatigue)

For younger children

Break decision making into 1-2 choices rather than free reign to build confidence, ‘would you like to do X or Y?’ and give time to think it through. When they make a choice, give them positive feedback ‘I love that idea!’ to build their self-esteem and regulation skills that when they make choices it can be validated. Ensure that you offer choices that are feasible, and can be actioned so that children witness the follow through.

For tweens

Demonstrate how you make decisions, role modelling decision making is a great opportunity for young people to see the stages. Ensure that these are developmentally appropriate, but allowing them to see you make pros and cons lists, weigh up the variables and plot out the choices being planned into diaries allows them to learn the cognitive processes that are involved in decision making and normalise that sometimes decisions need to take time.

For teenagers

As we get older, decision making can feel harder as we are more aware of what our friends/ family / teachers etc are thinking. We can find that teenagers are reluctant to make decisions, or make decisions based on other people’s needs or desires. We therefore need to consider how we empower them to make choices that are for them, so that they do not have long term regrets. Share stories of when you made decisions based on what you wanted, versus others and the impact or what you learnt from it. Look at examples in the media to give them reference to making decisions that benefit our own worlds and offer learning rather than regret. Create safe spaces to look at decision making, and grab some big sheets of paper to plot everything out together. Weigh up the options together and eradicate one at a time, so that they can see the steps of elimination.

Some questions we can use to aid decision making

If there are multiple options

• What is the problem that we need to make a decision about?
• What are the options?
• Option 1 – What are the benefits
• Option 1 – What are the downsides? or consequences?
• Option 1 – Are there any long term benefits or consequences from this option?
• (Repeat for each option)
• For each option – What do your feelings tell you?
• For each option – What does logic tell you?
• Overall – What is most important to you?
• Overall – Which would bring me the greatest learning or opportunity?
• Overall – Which would bring me the greatest satisfaction?

When we have two great options?

• If we met a week/month/year from now, which option would you most regret not taking?
• Which option will take you closest to your goals?
• What do I need to know to eliminate one choice?

Choices about the future

• What am I most scared of?
• What skills do I need to make this happen?
• Who can help me?
• Will this take me closer or further from my goals?
• Will this distract or enhance my longer term plans?
• Will I be happy / feel peaceful with the outcome of this decision?
• What would future me thank me for doing in this situation?

Want to learn more? 

Would you like to deliver emotional literacy interventions in your work? Our Level 3 Emotional Literacy Mentor qualification takes you through the theory and practice to deliver emotional literacy support for children aged 3-12 years. You can start today by joining (click here)

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© Nicky Edwards – All Rights Reserved

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