Responsive Therapy Archives - A Step at a Time

Want to understand? Move around the table…..

Posted by | BWRT, hypnotherapy, relationships, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

I have been talking to a number of lovely clients over the last few weeks who were struggling to understand why people were not reacting to them how they wanted them to. To look at the situations we have been using a simple exercise to allow them to ‘step out of their own thoughts/headspace’. The reason we have been doing this is because when we are struggling with a relationship issue with a friend/partner/family member we can get caught up in ‘our side of the story’ which inevitably leads to a number of assumptions being made, cross words or putting words in their mouths. Inevitably it will end in upset for one or both parties and in some situations complete breakdown of said connection. So how do we do it? Here’s a step by step breakdown of how to use a simple ‘moving around the table’ exercise…. Think of the…

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What’s your why?

Posted by | BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy, Uncategorised | No Comments

I was talking to a friend this week about motivation. Years ago when I would compete in fitness competitions my WHY was huge – there was a big end goal and a date to work to, so the motivation stayed high and it tested your endurance and mental commitment to the extremes. The likelihood of failure was very low as you would not want to look or feel ridiculous so even on days when you wanted to quit you would drag yourself to your training days or eat that broccoli stem over the Chinese takeaway. In every day life motivation for goals can be harder. If the WHY is not big enough then staying motivated can feel tough, and the excuses slip in all too easy. Whilst our intentions and vision might be clear the action that is required can waiver. Why? Because the why just is not BIG enough….

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10 top revision tips to reduce exam stress!

Posted by | BWRT, child therapy, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

Having spent 15 years working in education teaching 16+ I’ve seen my fair share of exam and assessment stress. However whilst some stress is motivational (it shows us that our exams matter to us) we can reduce the unnecessary stress by taking control early on and being prepared. For parents, the exam season can be just as difficult. You want the best for your children and the best opportunities. However keeping home life peaceful and planning opportunities for time out, as well as offering a quiet space where they can revise without distraction can make the whole home more peaceful. So I’ve collated my top ten tips for revision to make home and study a little more peaceful and under control: #1 – Get your notes in order  Spend some time getting your school/college/university notes in order. Having everything together means that you can get organised and have everything at…

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My scars are on the inside…..

Posted by | anxiety, bereavement, BWRT, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

Over the many years I have worked with children and teenagers, and over the last 5 years working in my therapy office I meet so many clients with different backgrounds. Some have scars on the outside, from domestic violence, self-harm, eating disorders or alcoholism. Others have scars on the inside from emotional abuse, neglect, domestic violence, narcissism, bullying, grief and loss….. When we have scars on the outside it is easier for many people to comprehend the sadness and the pain. The medical intervention required means that there is a feasible reason to allow us to make sense of their suffering. When someone has scars on the inside we can easily forget the level of anguish, pain, self-doubt and suffering they have incurred as it is invisible to the naked eye; but its levels of impact are on an incomprehensible scale. Wounds heal, but internal scars remain for a long…

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3 ways to stop being so ‘busy’…….(and improve your health)

Posted by | anxiety, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy, Uncategorised | No Comments

‘I can’t I’m busy’  ‘I”m just so busy’  ‘I cannot believe how busy I am!’  ‘I’ve worked XX hours today!’  Busy, busy, busy…… but is it really something to be proud of? And at what point is being a busy bee actually affecting your health, happiness and fulfilment? I work with women everyday who are experiencing anxiety, depression, sadness or a lacklustre feeling that life just isn’t all it should be…. the common theme with at least 75% of them – they are so busy being busy. In fact their commitment to being busy is directly impacting their contentment from life as they feel guilty for doing things they love due to a feeling that doing these daily tasks that keep them busy is a prerequisite to their life. With the rise in use of social media and the internet we know we can effectively work 24/7. We can Christmas…

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Why mental health is like building a house….

Posted by | anxiety, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

Why is mental health like building a house… let me explain… Growing up I would colour in my dad’s architecture drawings for the latest house he was building, it filled me with dreams of being an architect and designing the houses that my dad would build. Coming from a household where my dad could literally build anything you drew, from rabbit hutches and runs to later the office where I now work, I quickly became attuned to the time, effort and energy that sits behind those pictures which later become homes. In Year 6 my science project was about cavity walls, as my dad taught me about the reality that the walls of a house are not just one layer, that the insulation is an important factor and that those measurements are imperative to the house fulfilling it’s function I spent hours drawing the illustrations to support this new knowledge…

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3 things you can learn from my Eating Disorder….

Posted by | anxiety, body-image, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy, Uncategorised | No Comments

Eating Disorders often become one of those judgemental taboo subjects – we see television, magazines and social media body shaming, we hear flippant remarks of ‘my god is she anorexic!’ passed around as easily as the names of celebrities… but what we actually know about them is very little. Much like many taboo subjects eating disorders make many people feel uncomfortable, and as such they avoid any discussion about them. Behind closed doors they may discuss a friend, family member or work colleague who they have noticed has ‘different’ eating habits but the likelihood of someone actually sitting down and having that uncomfortable conversation with someone is unlikely. I should know – I had one. I was late to the game, at 26, to develop an eating disorder isn’t as expected as if I had been a teenager, and being older (and in full time employment) I had more control…

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Brains, filing cabinets – and why noone is coming to do your filing!

Posted by | anxiety, bereavement, BWRT, child therapy, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

Is your brain talking to you? Just take a moment and scan this communication list…. My head hurts all the time… I have a permanent headache…. I just can’t turn my brain off… I can’t sleep… I am permanently exhausted… I had to take a day off as my neck and shoulders hurt so much… I can’t concentrate… I keep forgetting things… The smallest thing makes me angry… I can’t deal with being around people… I’ve suddenly developed anxiety about things I used to find easy… I feel so fragile all the time.. My family are getting really fed up with me being so helpless… (If you didn’t tick off anything on this list then I can only say well done, you either have fantastic coping strategies in place, a support system which is second to none, are in therapy regularly or have had a peaceful year or a combination…

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Perfectionism, Stress, School and our Teenagers

Posted by | Adventures of Brian, anxiety, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy, Teenagers, Uncategorised | No Comments

Having worked with the 16+ age group for 14 years this year (still feels like yesterday that I started) it’s been an interesting concept to watch the changes in mindset, challenges and mental health. One of the key things that is becoming more and more noticeable is that a higher number of teenagers and young people are striving to obtain a level of perfectionism that is causing higher levels of: Stress Anxiety Worry And in more extreme cases: Disordered eating Self-harming behaviours If you read my previous blog ‘Is the world causing our children anxiety‘ you’ll already know that I discussed the influence of social media and technology on our children’s limbic brain development (the part of the brain responsible for emotional behaviours) if not it is worth a perusal to look at the statistics released in the Child Mental Health Report 2017 where we see the links between social…

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Why self-care is NOT selfish

Posted by | anxiety, bereavement, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

Every day I hear mums and my professional clients utter the same words ‘I can’t be that selfish’…. In fact it’s probably the main thing that they have in common, a belief system that looking after their own emotional health and well-being is ‘selfish’. Having worked in the teaching industry for many years i’m quite accustomed to skipping meals, working ludicrous hours, cancelling personal engagements to opt for lesson planning and marking and collapsing in a heap at the end of term wondering what way the steam train that hit me had gone in… So why is the main thing that I am accustomed to hearing ‘I can’t be that selfish’. Perhaps it’s an archaic belief system, maybe a new one from the unrealistic expectations that we have placed on life, but is it time to acknowledge that selfceare is NOT selfish? How is looking after your emotional health selfish?…

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Is the world causing our children anxiety?

Posted by | Adventures of Brian, anxiety, BWRT, Children's Therapy, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

As the years go by my office is filled with more and more children and teenagers who are struggling with unwanted thoughts and feelings. Since I wrote the Adventures of Brian book collection this has only grown more considerably. Leading me to question – is the world causing our children anxiety? 19 years ago when I first entered the world of early years (working in a nursery) we would occasionally meet a child with separation anxiety or thumb sucking but these were few and far between. 15 years ago when I first went to work as a lecturer with 16-19 year olds you may have one teenager in your class with depression or anxiety but again it was much more a rarity than the world presented today. In the early days of my career, or even in my own school days you just didn’t find a huge number of children…

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Victim, Surviving…..Survivor

Posted by | BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

Did you ever notice that some weeks your conversations have themes? Or that everyone you meet has an invisible thread tying them to you, or a version of yourself from the past? I was talking to a number of people this week about the concept of moving from being the victim, to surviving to the survivor. Whether we apply this to recovering from eating disorders, moving forward after domestic violence, the emotional healing from trauma or the steps after a life changing incident in most cases there are 3 key stages and these each come with their own coping mechanisms, choices and decisions. VICTIM…… Immediately following any life changing situation/scenario/behaviour we fall into a ‘victim‘ category. As much as I personally hate the concept we are so vulnerable at this stage that we are the victim of a circumstance and our friends and family will rally round to protect, look…

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Being Unapologetically You….

Posted by | BWRT, Responsive Therapy, Uncategorised | No Comments

I was driving down to Worthing last week to the recording studio (we’re busy creating the next batch of the Adventures of Brian Audio Books) and as I sat at the railway crossing I watched a family walk past. Mum and dad were chatting, their son wandering close by, and just behind was their daughter… dancing and jumping along the pavement. It was their daughter who caught my attention, as she leapfrogged the bollards along the pavement, hopscotched across the squares of the pavement slabs and danced down the street with her family her ability to be so unapologetically herself was touching. You may have noticed how children have the ability to lose themselves in their play, not yet affected by the world’s opinions, oblivious to the concept of conformity there is nothing more beautiful than a child who is unapologetically themselves. I work with so many adults who are…

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5 things a narcissist does to stop you leaving….

Posted by | anxiety, body-image, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

With the growth of social media quite often you will see the word ‘narcissist’ used within articles, stories, social media posts and films. Often followed with comments of ‘why didn’t they just leave?’ or ‘Didn’t they see what was happening?’…So here’s 5 things a narcissist does to stop you leaving… If you read my previous blog ‘Why you shouldn’t have known‘ you will be familiar with why we rarely see the effects of a narcissist until it is late in the day…. To start here’s a definition of a narcissist: Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the process affecting the lives of innocent women and men every day is a pattern of abnormal behaviour which the narcissist not only has this excessive interest in themselves but combines it with a pattern of non-empathy in which they have no understanding of other people’s feelings and in their pursuit of power, success or self-satisfaction will…

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