With the growth of social media quite often you will see the word ‘narcissist’ used within articles, stories, social media posts and films. Often followed with comments of ‘why didn’t they just leave?’ or ‘Didn’t they see what was happening?’…So here’s 5 things a narcissist does to stop you leaving…
If you read my previous blog ‘Why you shouldn’t have known‘ you will be familiar with why we rarely see the effects of a narcissist until it is late in the day….
To start here’s a definition of a narcissist:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the process affecting the lives of innocent women and men every day is a pattern of abnormal behaviour which the narcissist not only has this excessive interest in themselves but combines it with a pattern of non-empathy in which they have no understanding of other people’s feelings and in their pursuit of power, success or self-satisfaction will often take advantage of those around them. Often arrogant, self-confident and manipulative involvement with them is often to catastrophic affect.
On starting a relationship with a narcissist it is often the thing of fairytales but slowly evolves into a lonely world of self-doubt, questions and attending events alone as you live a lonely life of waiting for them to reappear to you…
So here’s 5 things that they do to stop you from leaving:
1 – CREATE SELF-DOUBT – The narcissist is the master of manipulation and one they have identified their unknowing victim will use tactics to make them question themselves. From making them feel jealous by comprising them to others, to putting them down whether by their physical appearance or telling them that they are unbalanced, the narcissist cleverly manipulates the partner to believe that noone else would ever want them whilst they continue their charade.
2 – BREAK YOU DOWN – The narcissist cleverly breaks down their partner until their self-esteem and self-worth is so low that they do not believe that anyone else would ever want them. Even believing that they can do no better or deserve this behaviour. The execution of the relationship is so cleverly crafted that this happens without them realising, often first removing the partner from their inner circle of friends and reducing their connection to family unless they are there so that no-one can allow them question or doubt the words of the narcissist. This leaves the partner alone and with no-one to turn to, so even of their friends and family see the change in them they are not able to communicate this as their access is limited.
3 – ENTRAPMENT – At the start of a relationship the narcissist is often a romantic dream, creating carefully thought out situations, flowers, dates and romance to entrap their chosen prey. Many even refer to them as their ‘princess’ as though they are the prince fighting the dragon to win their hand. However once they have won their partner hook, line and sinker things slowly change and the roses and romance fade and the partner is often sat at home ‘waiting for them to go back to the romance’ which never happens (unless they are close to being discovered or found out) but even then only for a short time. The narcissist will often have a chosen ‘bag of tricks’ which they use for all prospective partners, which they know will win over the right type of person.
4 – GUILT & BLAME – The moment the partner tries to leave the narcissist blames them for all the issues, creating an environment of guilt and blame. The partner is left trapped in a situation of questioning their actions, movements and behaviours as they are blamed for the abuse. Whether they are told they have issues, or are over-sensitive or have mental health issues the narcissist is the master f manipulation, cohersing the partner to have to question if they even know themselves. This is often mentally abusive and extenuates the self-doubt that was already there to the point the partner does not even know who they are or what to think any more.
5 – OVERDOING IT – If the partner does leave, the nacissist will often pursue them showering them with every compliment under the sun and claiming that they cannot live without them. They may even go as far as to threaten suicide if they do not come back to them as a means to manipulate the partner to return to the path of emotional abuse they have fought to leave.
So how can you leave?
1 – Turn to friends and family and seek help – you will need them to help you leave and then protect you from future contact (blocking social media channels/numbers is a good start)
2 – If there is persistent contact from the narcissist consider contacting the police for a restraining order to allow you space and opportunity to strengthen
3 – Seek professional support – the nature of a narcissistic relationship is that self-worth and self-esteem is extremely low so seeking professional support to rebuild these is a perfect first step to re-learning self-care and trusting you instincts again.
If you have a friend in need please do all you can to maintain contact so that when they choose to leave they have somewhere to run.
For more details of support available please feel free to contact me through my website: www.astepatatime.org.uk