anxiety Archives - A Step at a Time

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2 reasons why your friend is making you feel uncomfortable and how to deal with it!

Posted by | anxiety, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy, Uncategorised | No Comments

Ever had those days when your friend/partner is making you feel uncomfortable? But not because you hate them…just something is – well off? And I don’t mean in the stagnant water way! The thing is, at times we will find that friends or partners (or even family members) really get under our skin. Our first retaliation is to blame them for it… But what if it’s YOU? Eek…. yep I said it… it’s highly likely it’s you! Before you contemplate killing me for that statement let me explain where I am going with this… Sometimes our friends just drive us insane…. we can love them from the bottom of our hearts, and adore them completely, we would walk over hot coals for them – but still the very second they text/call/email/Facebook/turn up you feel uncomfortable, irritable or just like there is a glitch in the system. Here’s two reasons why…….

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Blog Post

Is your past haunting you? The real reason you are going round in circles!

Posted by | anxiety, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

Do you ever feel like your past is haunting you? Like you keep coming back to the same problem? Or you have really, really bad luck? Perhaps you feel like the universe is punishing you? Or that you can’t get anything right? Or MAYBE your mind is stuck in a detrimental thought loop that you simply cannot break? Ooh now that’s a thought isn’t it? If you have ever heard that old adage, you can’t change the problem, only your attitude to the problem then you might see where I am going with this. If not then Hi! Welcome to my thought process today! So now we have established a small chance that your past is NOT haunting you, (and rather your thought processes are) I’ll explain where I am going with this…. Our brains and patterns… Every week in my office I meet at least one client who tells…

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blog - grief

Grief – 4 things you need to know….

Posted by | anxiety, bereavement, loss, trauma | No Comments

Grief is a subject that presents almost daily in my work as a therapist. Working with clients who have experienced a bereavement or loss, through death, illness or trauma I meet women who are experiencing a wide range of the symptoms from grief. This may be through overwhelming sadness or pain to experiencing anxiety, depression or PTSD or those who are experiencing negative habitual behaviours due to longer term unresolved grief. From my experiences here are 4 things you need to know about grief…. 1. Your brain cannot process it All of our behaviours, habits and responses are learnt, from when we learn to walk to when we learn how to count our subconscious mind creates a sequence of patterns associated with a trigger so behaviours are generated on requirement. For instance we see a path and our brain receives a message to walk or we see a fire and…

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2 reasons our children’s worries are greater than ever

Posted by | Adventures of Brian, anxiety, BWRT, Children's Therapy | No Comments

Have you ever noticed that our children are worrying more than ever? Children’s worries are at an all time high. Every week in my office I am visited by children and teenagers who are struggling with worries, anxiety or catastrophizing about events that haven’t even happened. The incidences of appointments for these has risen significantly over the last year. This includes visits for: – Children worrying about safety – Child anxiety – Separation anxiety from parents – Children struggling with OCD or habit based behaviours – Sleep issues – Children who catastrophize about events that ‘might’ happen in the future So where has it come from? Before I start my explanations (from my personal perspective) I want you to cast your mind back to the late 1980s/early 1990s – the days when as children we were found climbing in trees, staying out on your bike, water fights with your super…

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Are your friendships damaging your mental health?

Posted by | anxiety, BWRT, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy, Uncategorised | No Comments

Are your friendships damaging your mental health? Limiters, enablers or encouragers…… what on earth am I on about? With social media taking over all communication, texts a preference and knowing (or even having) a home phone quickly becoming a thing of the past the one thing that it does allow is for us to watch personality types and friendship types become visual. We can also begin to understand how mental health has decreased as social media increases. In the past we couldn’t so easily see the behaviours of those around us as they disappeared as quickly as the person vacating. With the wonders of a technological age and social media being used so widely it allows us see things we may not have seen before (if we open our eyes to them). I’ll start with a story to explain my point…. Those who follow my blogs from A Step at…

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3 reasons NOT to wait for your child to grow out of it…

Posted by | Adventures of Brian, anxiety, BWRT, Children's Therapy, confidence | No Comments

Why you shouldn’t wait for your child to access children’s therapy for their worries and behaviours….. “They’ll grow out of it”  “Don’t worry about it – they’ll grow out of it”  “We’ll review it when they are older….”  Ever heard those ill fated words before? When it comes to our child’s emotional or mental health do we really want to WAIT? In some cases they will grow out of it, for example a few children do grow out of their little worries, some children do grow out of their anxiety, and many  children do grow out of their toilet training issues (did you know that the hormones responsible for urine control in some children don’t mature until the age of 12??) HOWEVER Many issues do not disappear and in some cases leaving your child to grow out of it can actually create a greater issue to be treated later.  So…

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What you need to know when you are NOT ‘Ok’

Posted by | anxiety, body-image, BWRT, confidence, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy, self-esteem | No Comments

One thing that I see every week in my office in Sussex is wonderful, professional, intelligent women who are tired, overwhelmed, exhausted, fed up, dissatisfied or just plain at the end of their tether with being ‘strong’ In reality we have all done it haven’t we, been strong when we have no strength left? Almost as if it’s some badge we should wear with honour, ‘I’m on my knees but hey I’m still being ‘strong’ We watch wonderful women walking through the depths of hell and because they still get up everyday, put their war paint on and go out and fight the world we tell them ‘you’re so strong’  As if being strong is a good thing? As if being strong is what we ‘should’ do… Would you tell your daughter who was crumbling inside to ‘be strong’ – or would you wrap her in your arms, comfort her…

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I’m not a statistic – I’m me…..

Posted by | anxiety, body-image, Children's Therapy, confidence, Eating Disorders, grief, Responsive Therapy, trauma, weight loss | No Comments

One of the greatest things that I find when working in disordered eating, anxiety or even trauma and bereavement is that so many of my clients have been treated as a statistic. Whether they are frustrated at being prescribed medication for symptoms not the cause, placed on long waiting lists for therapeutic talk therapies or provided with food plans which feel overwhelming the one thing that they all have in common is that they feel like a number, a statistic, a non-existent person. I remember years ago visiting the GP, my disordered eating spiralling, obsessed with exercise and collar bones and hip bones that were (in retrospect) very unattractive and a sign of the lack of health and nutrition I was experiencing) to be thrust a depression questionnaire to assess whether I was a risk to myself….. In that moment I felt like there wasn’t much hope left. The doctor…

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Why we need to focus on every small achievement in our recovery

Posted by | anxiety, body-image, BWRT, confidence, disordered eating, eating disorder, hypnotherapy | No Comments

Whether we are recovering from an eating disorder, a trauma or an addiction focussing on our achievements is imperative to success and long term recovery. Whilst the end goal may be on the mind of all those around the recoveree for the person who is involved in the process that goal may feel too much or too far away to create momentum. So, what can we focus on?

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10 reasons your favourite diet is making you fail….

Posted by | anxiety, body-image, BWRT, confidence, diets, hypnotherapy, hypnotherapy gastric band, Responsive Therapy, weight loss | No Comments

Despite whether I was working in a gym or as a therapist in my Crawley office nearly 75% of people that I meet will offer me a statement along the lines of; “the only thing that ever worked for me was (insert weight loss diet)” Here’s my question…. IF it worked so well why are you not still at goal? Don’t reply just think about it……..whilst I give you 10 reasons why you were brainwashed into thinking it worked…. #1 – They teach you to hate yourself  No matter what organisation you choose, which diet plan it is, whether its online or in person they all teach you the fundamentals of hating yourself. As the leader stands in front of the group and allocates certificates to the biggest loss that week, anyone who lost less, or a pound or stayed the same is wondering ‘where they went wrong’ and their…

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This New Year - Quit 'Trying'

5 reasons stress is stopping you lose weight….

Posted by | anxiety, body-image, BWRT, confidence, hypnotherapy gastric band, weight loss | No Comments

STRESS.… just the way it’s written makes you want to scream….doesn’t it? Every day in my work as a hypnotherapist and life coach in West Sussex I see those struggling with stress. The issue with stress is that we experience it every day, we just rarely do anything to resolve it, as we are fire fighting life, work, families and  all the other little things going on. However, for those of us trying to lose weight stress is normally the greatest factor standing in the way of results… and most people don’t even realise! So what’s the deal? Why is it stopping us from reaching our goals?   #1 – Stress keeps us fat  Stress is related to two hormones in the body – adrenaline and cortisol. These are the hormones related to the fight versus flight. Now here’s the issue. A little bit of light stress can trigger weight…

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The invisible eating disorder – do you have it?

Posted by | anxiety, body-image, BWRT, diets, Eating Disorders, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy, weight loss | No Comments

Eating Disorders….. a term which is slowly becoming more recognised but still so widely misunderstood. Did you know that according to a report commissioned by Beat “725,000 people in the UK are affected by an eating disorder”  In the latest version of the DSM (Diagnostic Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders) they cite the main eating disorders as anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder (BED), this eliminates EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified).However before the latest change in criteria, it was estimated that of those with eating disorders, 10% were anorexic, 40% were bulimic and the rest fall into the EDNOS category which included BED. Here’s the thing though….an eating disorder is not linear… In fact, there are a whole host of Eating Disorders swimming among our friends, family members and colleagues that we may not even be aware of, because those experiencing them may look – just like YOU and…

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This New Year - Quit 'Trying'

What if we could draw perfectly?

Posted by | Adventures of Brian, anxiety, books, BWRT, Children's Therapy, confidence, Responsive Therapy, self-esteem | No Comments

My friend’s little girl came to play yesterday. We had finished baking and were sat at my dining room table drawing together (and using every single sticker I had in the house) when she looked over at my picture. I was drawing a picture of Brian (from the Adventures of Brian) at the time and she stopped and said ‘how did you get so good at drawing?’ When I replied ‘well I practiced lots and made lots of mistakes to learn’ she laughed and said ‘but I make lots of mistakes’ which made me stop for a moment. We all make lots of mistakes, don’t we? I probably spend most of my day getting frustrated at my own mistakes and having to find ways to resolve them. But only a child will tell you that honestly, with no agenda, no cover up, just pure honesty – ‘I make lots of…

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This New Year - Quit 'Trying'

Why we need to teach our children not to give up….

Posted by | Adventures of Brian, anxiety, BWRT, Children's Therapy, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

When I used to teach my students often got fed up with me, I will add here that it wasn’t because I was a terrible teacher, but because I refused to listen to the words ‘can’t’ I can’t do it The words I wouldn’t abide by. I wasn’t being mean… The thing is, I said it because I knew that they COULD do it – I just needed to show them a different way. That was my job as far as I was concerned. If they weren’t getting it then I needed to explain it or demonstrate it in a different way so that they COULD get it and they COULD do their work and that they COULD achieve. After all, those achievements add up, and when we learn to persevere we learn do find new ways to do things. New routes to our goals, and new journeys to our…

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This New Year - Quit 'Trying'

When ‘just getting on with it’ breaks you….

Posted by | anxiety, BWRT, Children's Therapy, depression, hypnotherapy, Responsive Therapy | No Comments

“I just need to get on with it”  “I’ve got to get on”  “I’ve got to get back to it”  “I used to, I need to get on with it”  How many times have you used those words? Or watched and listened to a good friend or work colleague use them? If you’re anything like me its a lot! In a fast paced world where we have so much to do, our to do lists are never completed are you a victim of the ‘just getting on with it’ clique? So why is it a problem?  Here’s the problem….. The ‘just getting on with it’ clique are used to being invincible. They get ludicrous amounts of work done in a day, move mountains, are off saving the world. juggling a lot of balls and never seem to do them…. or do they? What happens when the ‘getting it done’ person…

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